A complaint is when you state what is happening and often involves attitudes and blame. People are very good at complaining and as it does not require any actual thought it rolls off the tongue.
When the Conservatives and Liberal Democrats came into power with their coalition government they asked the British public what they wanted to happen and what they wanted the money to be spent on and where spending cuts should take place.
Were the British public happy? No they still complained. They said it was not their job to make decisions. This was straight from the mouths of people who had previously complained that they could do a better job running the country.
Now they were being asked to provide a solution to something instead of whinging that something was wrong. That was not what most people wanted to do they just wanted to complain.
Many hours are spent putting the world to rights. You only have to sit in a doctor’s waiting room, on a bus or train, or in the local pub to hear this. Listen carefully to the conversations and you will rarely find any solutions being offered just a string of complaints.
Even if they do offer a solution there is little or no reference to the implications of the solution. They do not have to justify, or be accountable for decisions so there is no need for any deep thinking.
Finding a solution often involves finding many solutions and then deciding which one is the best. People very rarely chose a solution that will make it deliberately awkward for someone else. It is just that they not think through the consequences of their decisions.
A solution is often easier if you don’t have the extra responsibility of being accountable for your decision.
If faced with a person who is complaining, often in a very loud voice with aggressive body language, a simple question such as “What would you like me to do about it?” or “What would make it better for you?”
This takes the wind out of their sails as they often have got that far in their thought process. They have put all their energy into the complaint not the solution. In their eyes the solution is your job. They do not want to take any ownership of the problem. Being asked to give an answer to the problem is not what they expect.
I used to work for a boss who, when you went to her and said, “I have a problem,” used to say “So what are you going to do about it?”
This took me aback for quite a while and I still used to go to her and say the same thing and I would get the same reply. After a few times she also added, “Don’t come to me unless you have at least one suggestion to solve it.”
As time went on I got used to this and said, “You know how you say if I have a problem what am I going to do about it? Well I have done ...”
Okay, not all my solutions were the best ones, in fact some were quite dire, looking back, but I was given credit for making an effort. Sometimes I was allowed to run with my solutions verbatim, if I had not done so already.
More often than not I was taken through the solution and encouraged to see the flaws in it and how it could be improved.
The major lesson I learned was not to go to the boss and complain as I was on a hiding to nothing. In other words, “Put up” or “shut up”.
Next time you are tempted to complain make sure you have at least one solution for it just in case you are asked. This applies to all areas of your life.
In particular it should apply to your complaints when you talk about yourself and run yourself down. If you don’t think you are good enough tell yourself why and then state what you are going to do about it.
If you cannot think of a realistic solution then don’t say anything either to yourself or friends or family. Alternatively you could enrol with a life coach and explore what you feel is missing in your life and set goals so you are good enough if that is what you want.